If you ask people who have had the pleasure of working for a boss they truly loved, they will inevitably mention how they never felt like they were working for him or her, but rather with him or her.
It’s a gift that great leaders possess.
In many ways, good bosses are like good teammates, because they don’t speak down to anyone. They show respect for everyone on their team, and it’s reflected in their tone and in the words they choose.
Recently, I had a conversation with an executive who was genuinely loved by his employees. Earlier that day, I had observed him interact with his staff. I could see that his staff didn’t just respect him, they loved him.
This man was incredibly demanding of the people who worked for him and he held them to a very high standard. He was no pushover. But the interesting thing about him was that he wasn’t perceived as being domineering.
I asked him what his secret was to creating that kind of relationship with his staff.
He told me attributed it to two things. Number one, he spoke to everyone like they were his Mawmaw. Number two, he spoke to everyone in the Royal We.
He explained to me that early in his career he was very driven and sometimes that caused him to be short-tempered with people who worked for him. He often spoke to them in an impatient and blunt manner.
In time, his impatient and blunt way of speaking to people carried over into his personal life. One day, after a particularly unpleasant exchange with his wife, she asked him, “Why do you speak to me like that? You would never speak to Mawmaw that way, so why is it acceptable for you to speak to me like that?”
He thought about what she said, and he realized it was true. The man adored his elderly grandmother—his Mawmaw. He would never be impatient with her. He would never speak to her in a blunt, mean-spirited tone.
So from that point on, he started speaking to everyone with the same respectful tone that he used when he spoke to his grandmother, regardless of the message he had to deliver.
He went onto to explain that his newfound awareness led him to also be more conscious of the specific words he chose to use when he spoke to people. He realized he used the words I, me, and mine far more frequently that he thought he did.
He wanted to send a more inclusive message to his staff and wanted to be perceived as being more of a teammate to them than a dictator. So he made a deliberate effort to replace I, me, and mine when he spoke to others with we, us, and ours—the proverbial Royal We.
The origins of the usage of the Royal We are believed to stem from the belief that a monarch’s proclamations are given in unison within the divine rights of being a monarch. When a monarch spoke, “We” literally meant “God and I.”
Over the course of history, the Royal We has evolved to convey a much different meaning. It’s now used by leaders to convey a message of inclusion, and when wielded correctly, it can be a very effective tool.
How we speak can influence how we think. Our choice in words can also influence how others think about us.
The executive confessed to me that his vocabulary transition wasn’t easy in the beginning. But eventually, it became a habit and then it became his standard.
Here’s a Be a Good Teammate challenge for you: Go one day without using the words I, me, or mine. Replace them instead with we, us, and our. Consider it a way of sharing your commitment to your team with your teammates—whomever they may be.
Can you do it for an entire day? How about two days in a row? Psychologists generally agree that a behavior repeated for 21 straight days becomes a habit.
In this case, a shift in the way you speak to your teammates can lead you to become a better teammate, and that is always a habit worth forming.
As always, remember: Good teammates care. Good teammates share. Good teammates listen. Go be a good teammate.
