Unconditional acceptance can be a wonderful gift in relationships. One of the most common responses to “What are you looking for in a relationship?” is “someone who will just accept me for who I am.”
There’s a lot to be said for acceptance. Having someone acknowledge and embrace your flaws, imperfections, and differences can be empowering. But it can also be intoxicating.
The euphoria that comes from being unconditionally accepted can lead you to tolerate self-sabotaging behaviors, especially when those embracing you condone those behaviors. You end up settling for a version of yourself that isn’t necessarily the best version of yourself.
A fine line exists between empowering and enabling. Being a good teammate means walking this line with caution.
Good teammates know who they are, what they stand for, and what they won’t stand for. Their identities come from their strong commitment to their teams’ standards. They’re driven to become the best versions of themselves—versions who embody their teams’ standards.
If you’re not careful, others can leverage your desire to be accepted to compel you to adopt a false identity. In essence, they constrain you by weaponizing acceptance. They turn your circle into a cage.
Everyone has flaws. And it’s nice to have others accept your flaws. But accepting should not equate to condoning. Neither you nor those “accepting” you should condone your detrimental behaviors. And they certainly shouldn’t use your desire to be accepted to manipulate you into thinking you should.
Healthy relationships require mutual respect, accountability, and a commitment to growth. Expecting, or allowing, people to accept you for who you are cannot be an excuse for tolerating unhealthy habits.
The next time someone says, “this is just how I am,” ask yourself whether they are attempting to convey self-acceptance, self-awareness, or self-sabotage (e.g., laziness, apathy, stubbornness, etc.).
Acknowledging your imperfections is commendable. But expecting acceptance of them due to your lack of motivation to become a better version of yourself is anything but.
The great irony is that when you surround yourself with individuals who inspire you to be your best, you feel accepted and become motivated to change. You experience psychological safety—which leads to self-reflection, personal growth, and a sense of belonging.
Good teammates not only accept themselves as flawed individuals who strive to be better; they help flawed individuals who strive to be better feel accepted. Their approach prevents acceptance from being weaponized.
As always…Good teammates care. Good teammates share. Good teammates listen. Go be a good teammate.
