What matters more to you, respect or disrespect?
I had an opportunity recently to speak at a juvenile detention center, and this was a confusing question for many of the individuals there.
In my experience, this a group that genuinely benefits from hearing the “Be a Good Teammate” message because most of them have never thought of themselves from that perspective. And for that reason, they have often struggled to appreciate the effect their actions have on those around them—their “teammates.”
During the engagement, I did an exercise where the kids tried to narrow down what they valued the most in their life. Was it money? Was it trust? Was it love?
The overwhelming majority of them listed “respect” as their final answer. To be very honest, I wasn’t surprised by that response. It is a common response for this particular group. Most of them landed in their present situation because of an issue they had with respect.
But whenever we dive deeper, we discover that their issue usually isn’t with respect, it’s with disrespect—or perhaps more accurately, perceived disrespect.
Someone said or did something they determined to be disrespectful, and they felt compelled to retaliate.
The “being disrespected” issue certainly isn’t exclusive to juvenile delinquents. There are plenty of adults who are also susceptible to this pitfall.
I always find it interesting how some individuals feel entitled to respect.
These same individuals would never say someone is entitled to trust. They would argue that you have to earn trust. But they don’t feel that way about respect.
My advice to individuals who are dealing with this issue is for them to be more concerned with earning respect than they are bothered by perceived disrespect.
Focus on working hard, being honest, and demonstrating integrity. Let your body of work speak for you, and don’t allow yourself to be distracted by what someone did or said to you.
Your deliberate effort to exhibit respectable behaviors like work ethic, honesty, and integrity is likely to naturally lead others to develop respect for you. And if it doesn’t, then they weren’t worth your time nor your energy anyhow. Either way, their approval or disapproval won’t diminish the way your increased efforts contributed to your team.
This is how good teammates think when it comes to respect/disrespect.
The great irony of the respect/disrespect issue is that we can control one of those of those entities, but not the other. Typically, our stress comes from us fretting about things we cannot control.
In this case, we have complete control over what we determine to be disrespectful AND how we choose to respond to it. Comparatively, we don’t have any control over whether or not someone else chooses to respect us.
Sometimes, a “good teammate move” is simply choosing to be above the pettiness of perceived disrespect. Don’t allow your ego to get in the way of you focusing on the things that matter the most to your team.
As always, remember: Good teammates care. Good teammates share. Good teammates listen. Go be a good teammate.
